I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
