My hand turned me down
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do you remember whose house we're in?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
