I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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