They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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