I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
