I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its not stalking. its research.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
