You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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