One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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