Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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