His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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