Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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