y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
