I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
