My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
