you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
