That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
