FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
