Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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