yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
