mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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