When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize