I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
