Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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