Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
