I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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