Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
