i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
