i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
