bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
