Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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