Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can text with my tongue
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
