We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
