guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
