Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
