just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
