she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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