I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
