the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
