It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
