why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
