yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
