how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
