you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
