life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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