I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
