i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
