kristin has been a bad kristin
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
