Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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