you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
