so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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