That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
