you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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