you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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