I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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