So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
