So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
