he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
