Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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