Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
