idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
