Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
