I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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