i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
