Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
