Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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