i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
