Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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