What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.