Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
