Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit