I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
