I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???