i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I bet he comes in French.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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