well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
