Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
