I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
