She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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