Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
